dear anj,

god im glad youre home. with that said, i need to upfront make my apologies for this. for its content and for not telling you directly. but to be honest, i get kinda weepy everytime you scrunch up your face like that and cry. i dont like being the one to make your face do that. and not including the wooden apple incident, i try to never do anything to cause you sadness or pain. i am your sister. in my job description it says that i should listen and be compassionate regardless of my personal opinion on any given situation. however, i am your sister. the sister that never was much good at keeping quiet. above all, i love you.

however. you stated on more than one occasion that you didnt want christmas and you didnt want to come home because youd have to do it alone. that this year, you would be without the other half you came to know. now i realize that youre just incredibly sad and that you need to go through your time to mourn. everyone deserves thier time. i also know that you really wanted to come home, but maybe you just hoped it would be under different circumstances. that you would have a companion in your travels. but you dont. and like it or not, christmas is still coming. you know as well as i do that when you walk through this front door, christmas takes over and puts you in a choke hold. theres no way around it, you just have to find a way to embrace it. its not going anywhere. you have spent 28 christmas' with this family, and only 1 with him. im not trying to minimize your pain or emotions. but we are your family. we are here to help you remember and help you forget. to help you go on. to help you understand that while this is probably the hardest time, that this is the time to keep going. weve been there. ive been there. youre not the only one that has had to make revisions in the way you see the future. thats how life goes. you fall down and get back up. brush yourself off and keep moving. and so help me santa, i will drag your ass through this holiday if i have to. youre here. were with you. nothing, including the touch of a man, can replace your family for christmas.

so, here, drink this cup of baileys and cocoa (or four) until you feel better. because damnit, i dont like telling you these things but you need to buck up and put some party shoes on. cause weve got big plans. big big plans. so if youre ready, ill be waiting at victorias secret. hurry, and bring your jubblies along.

i love you.
kate.

happy holidays and good will towards men (except those of you men that i would consider a complete fucker. ... and cam, i still like ye even though your a fucker)