the 25 days of christmas:
(1 memory of europe for each day)

memory lane - next exit.

1. i wore a skirt and heels on the plane. OVER ICELAND. for 16 hours. stupid stupid stupid.
2. mcdonalds does not sell cappucinos there. that is bad news after a long flight. they did however have redbull (this was nearly a year before it was introduced in the states). it scared me the first time i drank it.
3. the peanut butter tastes like sand. its grainy and unsweetened. whoever thought of just crushing up peanuts and calling it peanut butter had a bad idea.
4. my friends mother didnt speak english, but she could make some damn fine wool socks. and in american tradition, i got drunk and ruined them when i stuck my foot in the space heater after i had passed out.
5. there are 3 types of parties there: preparties, parties, and post-parties. i never made it past the first (in my defense their liquor is potent. its like drinking rubbing alcohol mixed with moonshine)
6. my first nite there, we had a party (shocking, i know). one guy in particular was super scary (lets refer to him as thor-arne olsen) and chased me around like we were in kindergarten. i ended up hiding under the desk of a guy i really really fucking hated.
7. after that day, i rode everyday about 30 minutes each way on a train to see 'guy-i-really-really-fucking-hated'
8. he left me in a train station the first nite and i missed my trains because i couldn't understand norwegian yet. i cried in that station for 3 hours until some friends came and rescued me.
9. no i didnt 'really-really-fucking-hate-him' anymore. not even after that. in fact, i dated him, and enjoyed it. we would laugh together and brush our teeth before bed together and cook together. he was quiet and gentle and reserved. he was a kindergarten teacher for gods sake. though he wasnt affectionate, and he was a bad lover. but i enjoyed our time just the same.
10. he and i took a trip up to a cabin in the mountains with 3 of his friends. they sang soccer songs or chants in norwegian on the way there. i was so embarrassed at the time. now i think it was kind of cute.
11. there was no electricity or plumbing. in the mountians. IN NORWAY. so we drank to stay warm.
12. his friends drove the car into a ditch the first nite so we were stranded for 3 days with like 30 cases of beer and a whole bunch of free time.
13. this is also where the famous 'drunk kate in the bearpussy hat' photo comes from.
14. somehow, through like 5 feet of snow, we made it home, and i made it back to to the 'house of sin' in oslo.
15. the 'house of sin' had 5 norwegians (3 who were good friends of mine) and 3 swedes living there. the 3 swedes lived in the basement. one of them was the most beautiful man ive ever seen. everyone whos seen his picture agrees.
16. the legal drinking age is 18 there. i was 17. the first time we went to a pub, they asked (in norwegian) the guys how old i was. they told him (in norwegian that i was 20). when he asked me, i told him 18. he let us in anyways, despite my pub-ignorance. and we got very very drunk. and went to see 'mulan' in the theater. i fell off my seat. it felt good to be laugh so much at a kids movie with men in their mid-20s. each one of them would have died for me, they were like big brothers. but way cool big brothers, the kind that fly you across the world and get you good and drunk.
17. i ran out of money, so i took a cab across oslo to meet an american business associate of my fathers who forked over some more cash to get me through the next 2 weeks. the cab ride cost me nearly as much as he gave me.
18. i spent the money taking a train to sweden. and i smoked in the bathroom on the train and put my cigarettes out on the 'no smoking' sign. yea, such a rebel.
19. and i ate lutefisk. because i wanted to be a nice guest. and it was worse than it looks. trust me.
20. and i kicked -all- the swedes asses in lazer tag. i mean, really, i handed it to them. some claimed their guns were broken. another said it wasnt his fault, hes 'just a poor little retard'
21. i consumed more cider (not crappy woochuck type cider, GOOD european cider) than my entire body weight.
22. the last nite in sweden i was basically carried to the train, fell and hit my head as i boarded, and woke up in oslo with a lump on my forehead and the worst.hangover.ever.
23. julebrus is the cure for any drunk related ailment.
24. there are many uses for a large, pink soap-on-a-rope penis.
25. i got to spend over a month with more than 50 people who love the same things i do. damn it was a good 6 weeks.

god i miss my friends from overseas. christmas time always makes me miss them.

jag älskar dig & god jul.