somewhere inside me there is mature, grown woman. sadly enough, the 13 year old boy inside of me beat the shit out of her. because frankly, words like 'boner' and 'wiener' are still just as funny as they were 10 years ago when it was appropriate. imagine my delight when a mexican restaurant in milwaukee decided to continuously run commercials for their special fish tacos. i mean, come on, fish tacos. not at all appetizing, but very very funny. its terribly hard to restrain myself from going in and sitting down. when the waitress walks over and says "would you like to try our fish taco today?", id turn to her and say, "no thanks, ive already had one, but i told the bitch to go home and take a shower". thats right, being immature is so much more fun.

i also have single-handedly started 'The Great Pumpkin Massacre of 2004'.
one by one...
crunch.
crunch.
crunch.
see, my parents are real into our home. which is fine. its their priority to make it look warm and welcoming. and then these same parents decided to landscape around our already awkward driveway with BIG FUCKING ROCKS. trust me, this poses a large problem for tires and bumpers. especially when youre allowed to park your monster car in a spot the size of a domino. well tis the season! guess what sits atop each one of those BIG FUCKING ROCKS. right. pumpkins.. well, there were pumpkins. until i got pissed off at all the obstacles they were creating and started running them all over with my car. and nothing says seasons greetings like a buncha really shitty looking pumpkin remains. apparently all it takes is some good ole fashioned violence to get a spot in the garage. congratulations me.

oh, and this too.
on the way home from picking up the kids i stopped at walmart to grab some shit to make dinner. im pushing the kids through the aisles hoping that i can figure out what the hell im doing there. toy car. ok thats in the cart, but not for dinner. veggie tales dvd. wtf i cant eat that. screw you kids, mac & cheese it is. and im SO taking money from your piggy bank for this shit. so im in line behind two guys buying shaving cream and lemons. wha? and i might have assumed they were 'an item' if it hadnt been for the taller one leaning in to the other and ever so loudly whispering 'id like to bang... that girl' and nodded towards me. what girl? this girl? this is the only girl in line so it must be this girl. someone wants to bang me. rockin.

ok. so the last event didnt exactly happen like that. or at all. but for the love of god, THEY RE-ELECTED BUSH, cant you let me have one shred of happiness. and come on, someone somewhere must want to. lets be honest, im one sexy bitch. and this bitch needs some fillings knocked out.