despite the inner battle, i lost and got back onto a schedule of taking my medication. i am aware that it actually helps me, but im not the sort of girl that likes schedule. and to comfort the now prozac-sedated beast inside of me, tara and i went up to the casino to play bingo yesterday. some woman won $42,000. im so happy for her. i would say that i hope she chokes on her very expensive turkey on thursday, but thats not in the holiday spirit. and im all about the spirit. in fact, ive decided that maybe my oh-so-joyful funk will lift with one thing. a thing so simple and pure and good and yummy. thats right... harry connick jr. sings christmas carols. and because my nifty alarm clock plays cds to wake me up, ive decided that i can probably get used to hearing 'when my heart finds christmas' in that lulling purr of his every morning. and on days when its really cold and i really hate all of you, maybe then ill bring out the 'ave maria'. until then i will sit here and silently hate my mother for trying to break my heart with this crappy crappy keyboard with no volume knob. and whine very loudly about the fact that all the coca-cola i consume has literally eaten a hole in my esophagus and it is painful. so very painful. oh coke, my dearest coke, i hate you and i love you. oh how i hate to love you. such bitterness. such hostility. someone better alter thanksgiving a bit this year, because i want some fucking presents.