watch out fuckers, the bitch is back in town.

for the sake of anonymity, ive decided not to change your names, because frankly, i dont care who knows youre assholes.

for starters, since you can't seem to understand the communication guidelines in the adult world, ill drop to your level so you can understand me. after all, im the bad guy, the one who has done you so wrong. so far youve failed to come up with reasons for all the drama. you want me to be the bad guy? dont say you never get what you wish for. hell, who am i to disappoint. you think im a bitch? you think ive hurt you? you aint seen nothing yet. how pathetic. your little overworked minds have been filled with the bullshit the other wants you to believe is real. thank god neither of you have secrets. just things you'll tell the other one 'when the time is right' oh no! what have i done! oh shit, here come the beans!

if word around is that i talk shit, let me open up a whole new realm of spreading shit. unlike yours, mine is factual.

lets do a little spelling test... C-O-W-A-R-D-S. congratulations, you've just spelled brian & amy! eenie meenie minee moe, which little fucker is first to go...

brian! ok, lets review:
first things first. if you talk to me in that fakeass 'im your best friend even though i secretly hate you' kinda way, and i blatently act like youre a fucking retard, theres a reason. being that you actually are. because you got a free ride to college doesnt make you smarter than me. it just makes you arrogent for acting innocent. now. let me tell you a few things i think you ought to know about your girlfriend. how many times a day does your girlfriend tell you she loves you? and how many of those times do you think its a lie? lets try... 100%? sad really, how she even admits to her friends that she doesnt love you but will tell you anyways. id say thats the kinda girl id want to take home to mom. but hey, shes known as the shapeshifter. she can change and adapt to any person, any situation, just to make the person(s) shes around happy. even if that means talking shit about the same people she just talked shit about you to. always has been, always will be. that is the nature of the beast i suppose. but since youre pretty good at the whole great-guy bullshit persona, i think youll manage. and wouldnt you be interested to know that she is tired of how you control her, and that you "interrupt her school life". she has said more than once how sick of you she is and hates how you plan her breaks and decide what youre both doing. funny how she tells her friends she wants to break up with you but then meets you the same weekend in iowa city and plays nice-nice. "more humor, less drama". oh wait, because last time i checked drama was being pussy enough to bring real life issues into a fucking computer game. im gonna kill her character because im a lying fuckhead and she knows it. you want to bring drama, bring it. if you're not man enough to fight real life with real life, so be it. ill be waiting. and while we're on the subject, you might want to ask her about her track record in the 'faithful girlfriend' section. the number is sadly low, if even existent. or better yet, ask her about her track record since shes been with you. as the saying goes, its 10 o'clock do you know where your girlfriends crotch is? she might be due for a checkup soon. oh wait, thats right, she said that cleared up a few years ago. i think your safe. for now.

no amy, we didnt forget about you. unfortunately.
all comedies need some tragedy to balance it. the sad part is that when all your bridges have been burned, youre left standing with no one to help you put out the fire. even bridges that take 10 years to build can turned to ash within moments. so for your sake, you better fetch some fucking water! you wonder why youve always been treated like the bitch of the group. two options... youre fucking delusional, or you really are the bitch of the group. both are highly probable. by the way, congratulations on looking like a fool and letting your boyfriend put you right where he wants you. bravo on the great mind control. you always did have a way with observation. and dumb as i think you truly are, i have to give you credit for catching on occasionally. you were right, brian did want raini instead. the first night at freddies he was talking to everyone about seeing if he had a chance with her. sorry buddy, shes a little out of your league. but hey, dont feel bad, because when we suggested you he even said you were kinda cute. maybe no raini, but kinda cute. talk about a backup plan. what is unfortunate for you is that you were 3rd in line, or last as it seems in our group of single girls. cause he and the rest of us spared the truth about the first choice. personally, i find it hilarious that he told you i came on to him. because as i recall the first night i met him when we were dancing he tried to kiss me and i said no. and as i was told he asked a few of our friends 'why wont she make out with me?' and he says im the slut? looks like someone doesnt like rejection is all. and handles it piss-poorly i might add. but ill go easy on him. hes had a hard life. i mean, if mommy and daddy hadnt paid his rent and bills and bought him the car and paid his tuition, just think of the middle-class life he might have had. anyone thats walked in those shoes, even if they did cost $150, deserves some sympathy. he sure has the right to tell me about how life is. shame on me for picking on the precious little rich kids. im sorry amy, i didnt mean to pick on your boyfriend, im sure he loves you. even if you werent first pick. or second.

hooray, look at me! im the bitch!
since i supposedly talk all kinds of bad shit about amy in my blog, i thought it was only fair i actually do. and as far as the past posts go, i mentioned amys name in ONE post where the entire rest of the post refered to lewis black. and yea, i admit, i cant handle her for long periods. i dont know anyone that can. and if you can constrew my entire post about lewis as bad-mouthing amy, then you two, are in fact, complete morons. and to let you know upfront, i expect you both to jump up and down and yell and scream and say 'none of its true! shes lying!' and you know what? im ok with that. if you can both convince each other, as you so often do, thats fine with me. im not losing anything by it. when i go to sleep at nite i know that everything ive said, is the truth. and every time ive talked shit, ive done the right thing. ive stepped up and said 'yea, i said this for this reason' thats what adults do, but i wouldnt expect either of you to know how to do that. so go on and whine and act tough, point fingers and spread lies, everyone knows its coming. its nothing we havent heard from you before. oh shit, were really in deep shit now, everyone knows. quick, hurry up, cover for me. lie again and say grama wont give you money and ill say i have to work. no wait, better yet, lets blame kayde! shes the bad guy! how dare her! what would her mother say, she wasnt raised that way! blah blah blah im a fucking douchebag. lets drag everyone into our miserable existance. maybe, just maybe, i will finally be loved. look children, its like a fairytale. a really, really fucked up fairytale.

and the best part is, i dont feel sad or sorry or angry or hurt. because to quote you brian, "you dont help me grow as a person, and thats not what i want in a friend."

and by the way brian, sorry to tell you and the rest of the world, but i heard youre a bad lay.