at this point, im a little confused.
im not sure why i care so much, that he doesnt at all. care i mean. whatever his reasons are, im sure there is some validity to them in his own mind. i mean, we cant make people love us right. but we should at least be able to make them like us pretty damn well. and going over it in my head, im quite sure it wasnt my own sabotage. i was a mature, respectable woman about the whole thing. even when i felt like throwing myself on the floor and kicking and screaming like a child. "come on! no fair! play nice!" and ive said a million times how it doesnt bother me. i wont let it get to me. let him get to me. realistically, thats a big fat lie. i realize that i dont need him, and that i do deserve better. but what my head knows and what the rest of me wants are two totally separate issues. im tired of assholes. im tired of men letting me down. im tired of letting myself down. i also said i had no expectations. bullshit. i expected this to be an adult fucking relationship. where both sides act as responsible, caring people. SCREWED AGAIN.

when will i just accept that it is not a physical possibility for a man to be good to me. maybe im wearing a sign that says "treat me like shit, i love it!". just to keep the dogs at bay, maybe i should replace it with one that says, "dont waste your time, i like pussy".