ive always thought i was at my best when it was deep into the hours of the nite. when everyone is sleeping, the world goes quiet. i can finally breathe. the demands of the daily routine have dulled to a low roar. breathe. just stop. try to breathe. heres my chance. chance to unwind, reflect. its my time. all for me. somehow ive lost my grasp on it. i spend hour after hour chasing the dark away with a bottle of jack daniels. dont let yourself feel. i try relentlessly to escape myself. to get out of my own skin. anything to not feel so alone. eventually, the mudding gets monotonous, and the bottle goes dry. im left with a drunk, sobbing shadow of my former self. look at yourself, youre a mess. its not like i dont see whats happening, what im becoming. i see it. i recognize it. but im lost without it. i cant handle me. the me that has to pretend to be strong. the me that has to maintain a constant smile to fool the world. the me that is constantly crippled with sadness. get a grip girl, youre losing it. the past haunts me. the future terrifies me. i remember having goals. dreams even. ive spent my whole life aspiring to be something greater. something bigger. and i imagine that one day i will. and the irony of it all is that it will, most likely, begin with a moment of clarity found within the deep hours of the nite...