irony. so fun its like a barrel of fucking monkeys.

im screwed, and not particularly in the way one would usually like to be screwed in. the mind numbing sad that has led up to this point is gone. no more playing fair. no more being nice. locked, trapped in a box. im ready to fight. bring all the ammo you got. i fucking dare you. im wielding a fistful of broken promises. you better be prepared for what comes next. dont even try to make deals with the angel inside of me. you destroyed her long ago. what else do you want from me? you took all i had to give. now take this too. youve created a monster. dont think for a second i wont turn on you and bite. you think youre an exception? youre not. you think you can manipulate me? you wont. and even worse, you think you can make me love you again? you cant. i would like nothing more than to hand you the lives you ruined. here, you fix them. im tired of doing your dirty work. my god, be a fucking man. no one is going to give you a medal for taking care of your girl and this baby. thats your job. you obviously didnt learn it with the first 3 kids. you didnt take care of them either. you were a pathetic father then. youll be a pathetic father now. kudos for fooling your whore. but you forget that im not that naive. im in your head. swimming around in your memories of shame and self hatrid. good, im delighted to see you hate yourself. your life. i hope you look at it with the same distain your sons will when they are old enough to see you for what you are. so congrats. youve managed to take the rest of us down on your sinking ship. everytime you even think about smiling, i hope you see my face. i will haunt every new memory you make. you poor thing. it must be exhausting to make a life of walking away. watching me struggle in the dark for a hand. something. anything. something to grab onto. something to help me carry all this weight. alone. alas, there is one ray of light. one shred of peace i will take, all for me. when you go to bed everynite, youre the one that has to know that tomorrow you will be the same selfish prick you were today. and that my darling exhusband, thats what you have to carry. alone.

welcome to rock bottom - population: me.