i am enlightened.

today is good. all things considered that is.
moosie and i got up early and made breakfast and had a little 'mommy and me' time. we layed on the couch and giggle and laughed and did all the things we thought we forgot how to do. we made absolutely no sense and discussed things that have no relevance in an adult world. and he leaned down, looked right at me and said 'mr rogers said i have to get married. i think im gonna marry you'. maybe i yelled a few times when i shouldnt have. maybe i am just a little too harsh on him. maybe i wasnt always the kind of mother i thought i should have been. but damnit, i had to have done something right. sometimes hes a monster. sometimes he hits and kicks and swears like a sailor. and sometimes he curls up on your lap, looks up at you with those big brown puppy dog eyes and says 'you know you are my whole world right mama?'

today i get the oh-so enjoyable task of packing his things. ive explained all of this to him. well, explained as simply as a 3 year old can try and handle. about how hes going to be staying with daddy while its warm out and then when it starts to get cold out again, he gets to come back home. about how its not forever. about how i will call him everyday just to tell him i love him. at this point i have no idea how im going to handle him being gone. i mean, i have a pretty good idea. ive never been away from him. not for more than a day or two at a time. but he needs this. i need this. i have come to terms with the fact that the only way i can make a better life for us, is to do this. i just need to remind myself that he will still love me. that i will still love him. and that this is not forever.