for so many reasons, and in so many ways.
i cant help but feel bad. something that i hadnt anticipated feeling about the whole situation. i didnt mean to hurt anybody. not that i didnt know i would be, just that i wished i didnt have to. maybe i was being selfish, hell, i know i was.

every healed wound began to reopen when she explained her situation. the single unraveling strand that wove my past to the present was wrapping it self around my neck. i know how i felt. ive been there. wondering who the man laying next to me was. wondering where the one i married went. after time, everything becomes so familiar you cant even recognize who you were. who he was. everytime he touches you, your skin crawls. get away from me, i dont want you to touch me. the touch that used to be safe and comfortable, has become invading and scolding. you want to be there. be with him, but your mind is on so many levels. none that he is on. for every step forward, he pulls you three back. obligated. he falls, you pick him up again. its not so much that youre frustrated he fell, just exhausted that he wont move forward. theres no connection. no meaning. just two rings and lost vows. and just when you thought it was you, that you were somehow unlovable, unworthy, someone opens the door. offers you a hand. reminds you that there is more to life than this. reminds you that youre beautiful. reminds you how to smile...

i know why i stepped in. i dont question that. theres things that i could see, that she wouldnt allow herself to. and ill be damned if i will let anyone hurt her. at any cost. even if it hurts others i suppose. maybe i didnt have to be so harsh. so blatantly vicious. maybe i brought too much of my own skeletons into it. maybe i shouldnt have reveled in his defeat. you are nothing but a dirty fucking liar. maybe he was right. maybe he wasnt. but at any length, and at any cost. i did what i had to do. even if that meant compromising all that i stand for to protect her. to protect me. youre damn right i keep my heart guarded. but i keep my eyes open.

yes, i feel bad. but i dont feel wrong.

you fuck with her, you fuck with me. either way, ill bite back like a rabid dog.