bring on the conflict.

somedays i wonder how i manage to to get through life everyday without being sucked into some black hole for morons. the little workers in my brain are on strike and common sense called in sick today. i feel like a the butterfly who just had one wing ripped off by the little brat with dirty braces and scabby knees. damnit, i want my other wing back. im tired of flying in circles. tired of being pulled both directions and still stuck in the middle. tired of trying to make sense of the wierdness i just watched myself type out on this screen... i am losing it.

somehow, i have been living for tomorrow. everyday has been about the next, not the one im actually living in now. and up until now, this was working great. cause the tomorrow seemed kickass, nevermind that the today may have been miserable. and frankly, all of the todays pretty much were. im starting to think that maybe i should stop being absolutely retarded and just enjoy today first. how can i include someone in today thats not here? realistically, "the boy" wont be here for the tomorrow either. so now its the million dollar question... so do i keep on being miserable for the todays so i can have the ultimate tomorrow in the distant future, or do i pass on that amazing tomorrow and love the shit out of my todays? ah yes, yummy conflict. tastes like chicken.

on that note, after reading that i have no idea what the hell i just said. my brain has obviously declared a state of 'neurotic goulash'. i think i need to lay down. or stand up. or lay down. or stand up... ARGH! THE CONFLICT! MUST. STOP. TYPING...