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1.01.2004

the inevitable, 100 things fiasco:

1. i went to europe when i was 17. alone. to stay with people i met on the internet. for a month and a half. i felt so safe and in love with that place.

2. i have been in labor 5 times during only 2 pregnancies.

3. my exhusband slept through both real labors. except the last 5 minutes of our 2nd son where he fainted before it was over.

4. i love having four seasons. i cant imagine living in san diego where the weather is always 'nice'.

5. i have to sleep with both a fan and fight club on.

6. my first car was a 1985 toyota tercel stationwagon. pieces the size of my fist would fall off the exterior every time i washed it.

7. i have ridiculous fears of vomiting and parking structures.

8. i have lived in my car or on the street more than once. in winter. without shoes.

9. i wear my heart on my sleeve. even though its showing signs of wear.

10. i hold extremely strong sentimental attachment to objects.

11. i am a comic book junkie.

12. i spent 10 years programming, creating and playing online text-based role-playing games. i was such a geek.

13. there was a time when i could have lived on bologna lunchables and hostess cupcakes alone.

14. my all time favorite dessert is key lime pie. i however, did once eat some that tasted like miracle whip. i was both horrified and offended.

15. i like my food simple. no condiments.

16. i binge drink coca-cola. (update: since all the coca-cola CORRODED a hole in my inards, i have moved to chocolate milk. mooooo.)

17. i quit smoking after 13 years. i sometimes still want one. i always wonder why.

18. there is something profound about natural land.

19. i have been known to enjoy vicodin. a lot.

20. i live in the "Brew State" and don't drink beer. I often wish I did.

21. i also wont eat a Brat. right now my state is disowning me.

22. i will however take wine to any outdoor function where wine is completely inappropriate. oh yea, im classy like that.

23. until i turned 21, i believe i may have singled-handedly kept Boones Farm and Parliment in business.

24. i make lists for everything. even when making a list is uncalled for.

25. i have OCD. that explains a lot.

26. both my children are extreme insomniacs, like their mother.

27. i am extremely happy i had boys. but i always secretly wanted a little girl. i would have named her noraa jean.

28. i would never be able to choose between beach or mountains, or country or city. i appreciate each very differently. (with much thought, i would go with the mountains in the country)

29. if money were no object, i would spend my entire life in a different spot, traveling. however, i have no desire to ever go on a cruise.

30. i have never been trendy. i am ok with that.

31. in high school, i sometimes wore a dog collar. i liked to freak people out back then.

32. i throw around the 'F-Bomb' more than any sailor ive ever known.

33. i burp. constantly.

34. i love harry potter. ive read all the books like 4 times. thats how painfully lame i am.

35. i love music. all music. punk, ska, big band, rap, 80s monster ballads, rock, etc. really. even the crappiest crappy music.

36. i have been to more concerts than i can begin to count. i have even seen n'sync. i may have even jumped up and down and screamed like a 12 year old girl. so sue me.

37. i am terrified of dying in a car accident or a tornado.

38. i have been in love.

39. i have broken a few hearts. mostly of people who deserved better.

40. i often wear a fleece viking hat when making important decisions. it has been named my "thinking cap".

41. as much as i refuse to believe it exists, i always wanted the 'fairy-tale romance'.

42. i have had 2 tattoos and 9 piercings. and i hate pain.

43. i like my men with some meat on their bones. hairy is good too. well not back hair, because thats just creepy.

44. ive always been off balance. my feet are too big and my chest is too small. im a one woman freak-show.

45. my blog is named after the street i grew up on in texas. the picture is of me on the swings behind that house. ive been told the neighborhood went to hell. but it will always be perfect to me.

46. i have been arrested. twice.

47. i like porn like a man likes porn. bad porn is even better. bad german porn is best.

48. i am a devout nail biter.

49. i think things like 'dutch ovens' and 'tony danzas' are hilarious.

50. if i was a man, i would have a constant erection.

51. my favorite smell in the world is the smell of an air conditioner. rarelly do they smell like they used to but its a happy day when i do find one. oh yea, and coconut lime verbena from bath & body works. [slobber]

52. growing up, my brother was my hero.

53. i have seen every episode of friends. go ahead and mock me.

54. if i had people around me who were as boring as i am, i would choose to play board games or cards every day.

55. i have taken classes for all of the following degrees: early childhood education, carpentry, and criminal justice. i have not received a degree in any.

56. if i could go back, i would go for biology/environmental science.

57. i am one hell of a seamstress.

58. i am against organized religion in any form and i think catholosism is the devil.

59. i will clean the house top to bottom but i will never put away silverware or hang up clothes.

60. i have never watched sex in the city. on purpose. and i hate sarah jessica parker. on purpose.

61. i was once dumped on my birthday in 4th grade. his name was chris springer if anyone would like to seek revenge.

62. my dad used to makeup "Horse of Course" stories and tell them at night before bed. that is the best memory i have of my father.

63. in my experience, europeans suck in bed. now southern boys on the other hand... yeehaw!

64. i am a die hard chicago cubs fan. i heart you greg maddux.

65. i often gain or lose 10 pounds within a span of 2 weeks. this can be both beneficial and totally sucky.

66. i was 19, and 7 months pregnant when i got married. so at my bacholerette party, there was no stripper and no alcohol. there were however, sandwiches in the shape of a penis. penis and sandwich. my two favorite things.

67. i can spend an entire conversation just quoting lines from movies. people dont seem to like this very much. i dont seem to give a shit.

68. one time, before we had kids, my ex-husband ripped his shirt off and made ninja turtle face masks for us out of it. that was the last time i remember us laughing together.

69. i would rather sleep on a chair or the couch than in a bed.

70. i want a boxer. like a dog, not a george foreman. i will even let him sleep in bed with me. just to make all those people who hate that cringe. haha!

71. i have never been the 'hot friend'. always the 'loud friend' or the 'funny friend'. im feeling a little screwed. i need uglier friends.

72. i met my 3 closest friends when i was 9 years old. they are as vital to me as oxygen.

73. my mom always told angie and i to make a detailed list of requirements we want in a husband. mine is as follows: "must not be a complete fuckwad".

74. i have 1 full sister, 1 half brother, 1 step sister, and 1 semi-step sister. my family is strange, if you have not yet figured that out. lets all blame angie.

75. my parents divorced when i was 4. when they told me i thought it was code for 'going to disneyworld'. i couldnt figure out why everyone was crying. my parents gave me that 'dinosaurs divorce' book. i fucking hate dinosaurs.

76. whenever i hear a song by james taylor or the nylons (who?), i sing as loud as i can and think of my dad.

77. my sister and i are both grown women and we still tattle on each other. my mother has stopped caring.

78. there was a kid named everett in 3rd grade with me. his head was way too big for his body. and he was way too smart for his age. he told me that he once threw up and his stomach didnt even hurt. i spent the rest of 3rd grade in the nurses office every.single.morning. and i would dry-heave like clockwork.

79. i have never been very good at swimming. i have never really cared to be.

80. someday i want to build my own house, with my own hands.

81. i have a serious ass fetish. no, not yours. mine.

82. i am loyal to a fault. but im kinda shitty in other regards, so it all balances out.

83. i play the devils advocate alot. and the devil incarnate. both are fun in their own right.

84. i try to always look at both sides of an argument. i try to always consider other peoples feelings. but i will unfortunately most often tell you the harsh truth. even if it does involve how big your ankles look.

85. i am usually always the sober driver. i enjoy mocking the drunks more than i actually enjoy being one.

86. before i had kids, i had an incredibly sharp memory. i remembered faces and phone numbers and directions of things that i had experienced one time, years ago. now i have kids and most times i cant even remember the name of the child im yelling at.

87. i love tiger lillies. so much that i have done the unthinkable and added one to my body. and i hate girls with tattoos of flowers or hearts or butterflies. shame on me.

88. i hate it when grown women wear overalls or sweatshirts with Tigger on them. disney characters are for children you fucking morons. granted, i like tinkerbell, a lot in fact. but im not gonna sport a denim jacket with her embroidered on my back.

89. i like pink. and red. and im ok with the fact that it makes me kind of teenie bopperish. i like them anyways, so go to hell.

90. i have at some point or another, been able to speak/write/understand english, french, spanish, german, and norwegian. and i know how to say a whole lot of terribly vulgar things in swedish. Din mor är fet men jag knullar henne ändå.

91. i am addicted to blistex herbal answer lip balm. it 'completes' me.

92. i watch very little television but am a sucker for anything on the history channel or reality tv. i like watching people be pathetic and unrealistic. i also like the iron briggade.

93. i am the most simple, and the most complex person i know. the smallest, simplest things make me happy. but nothing can ever be easy. im a walking contradiction.

94. hot cocoa and baileys is an answer to any problem.

95. i am easily irritated and not very easily distracted from it.

96. my wedding song was 'what a wonderful world' by louis armstrong. that song is forever ruined now. reason #861 why i loathe my exhusband. if i ever remarry, the song will be 'georgia on my mind' - ray charles of course.

97. kayde is not my real name. gasp.

98. i am infatuated with the idea of being in love. but when it comes right down to it, the actual 'being in love' part is a letdown. i dont believe in soul mates. i dont believe love lasts forever. someday maybe someone will prove me wrong.

99. fortes fortuna adiuvat.

100. i am jacks smirking revenge.